sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
