I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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