No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
