i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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