I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
