my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
