do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
