I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
