Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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