ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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