why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize