Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
And then my night got REAL pukey
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Randomize
