I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize