It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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