my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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