He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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