Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
