Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
