he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
