first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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