i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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