Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize