The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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