If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
