Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
