I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
