Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
