yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
