oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
