dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
