And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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