Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
the day after is always just damage control
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
