I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
