Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
