Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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