There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
