and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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