I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize