we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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