Cold hands, warm shart.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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