Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
