Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
