i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
