What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
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