why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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