Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
