i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
