you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize