This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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