Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
