He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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