We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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