Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
try to milk me bitch
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