Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
