I heard we made out
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
