2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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