did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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