Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
