I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
