Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
