Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
