Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
