nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
