Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
