it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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