he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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