Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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