i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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