I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i will never coherently bang her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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