I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
