We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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