i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize