Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
There's always time for handjobs
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
