put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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