I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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