Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
